Coping: Cancer
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Coping: Cancer
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Most young adults with breast cancer worry about how their diagnosis and its treatment will impact their loved ones.
Family members may feel worry and concern, and caregivers often take on new responsibilities and challenges.
For example:
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Related Pages:
Expanding Your Circle of Support (for caregivers) |
Helping Children Cope
If you're a parent, you might be struggling with how to help your children understand what's going on. No doubt you want to minimize the negative impact your loved one's breast cancer will have on their lives. If you are struggling with how to help your child understand and cope with their parent's diagnosis, here are some suggestions about the most important things to cover in early conversations; these insights come from professionals and from families who shared what was most helpful to them. |
For more tips on having this conversation, refer to the teaching sheet below:
How Your Cancer Treatment May Affect Your Children Also, be sure to check out our Family Connections page for more tips and information. |
BOOK
Raising an Emotionally Healthy Child when a Parent is Sick by Anna “Nina” Muriel, MD, MPH, ©2005. Available through Barnes & Noble and Amazon.com. |
SUPPORT PROGRAM
Parenting at a Challenging Time (PACT) - A program through Massachusetts General Hospital that provides resources to support family communication and child resilience through all phases of a parent’s illness. |
Monitor your energy level and find ways to recharge. Doing this might feel selfish, but it's crucial. If you become depleted and exhausted, you will feel worse and be less effective. Try to continue to do at least a few things that give you pleasure and restore your energy. Taking a break, such as planning an afternoon away, exercising, or requesting support from friends or professionals may all be useful.
If you start to feel so tired or distressed that you have trouble functioning, consider calling your doctor to discuss your situation. You might also talk with a social worker or other clinician who is part of your partner's treatment team if you feel you are being stretched too thin. These professionals are there for you too, and can provide emotional support and help with practical problem solving. |
Sleep is important – it affects both your physical and emotional health. If you have trouble sleeping for more than a few days, you may find that you are less energetic and have trouble concentrating. Tired people tend to become more easily distressed and irritated, and may also be more likely to get sick.
Many people have trouble sleeping during stressful periods. If this is true for you, tell your doctor. He or she can discuss different ways to address this problem, perhaps by changing certain sleep routines, helping you manage stress by asking for additional support, or giving you some medication that will help you sleep. |
Remember that friends and family will want to support you, but they may be focused on the patient. As a result, they may be unaware of your needs or unclear about how to help. You may have to ask for what you need. This can be surprisingly difficult, especially when you need the help the most.
But try to do it anyway. Think about those you can rely on for practical advice, emotional support, or encouragement. Think through how you might ask, and try to be clear about what you are asking for: advice, guidance, support, problem solving, specific assistance, or maybe simply someone who will listen as you talk. |
You may experience feelings, thoughts, or situations that you cannot comfortably talk over with friends or family. Or maybe there is no one available to help in this way. In this case, meeting with a therapist, social worker, or other professional who is familiar with cancer-related issues may be of enormous help. Most hospitals have appropriate professionals on staff, or will know others in the community who could meet with you. So don't hesitate to ask the treatment team, or your own doctor, for a referral.
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Think about your own reactions to the cancer and its treatment. As the loved one of a patient who is dealing with cancer, you may experience a wide range of feelings, thoughts, and reactions, including:
For most people, these reactions change over time, depending upon circumstances. You may respond differently when your loved one is diagnosed than when their treatment ends. You may be discouraged when your loved one has a setback, and relieved when the news is good. At times, you may feel optimistic, closer to your loved one than ever before, and grateful for all that is good in your life. At other times, you will feel the opposite. |
When you are able to cope successfully with some aspects of your loved one’s diagnosis and treatment, you may find you have more energy and are better able to function in other parts of your life. To help you understand your reactions to your loved one’s illness, ask yourself some questions. How do you sort out your thoughts and feelings in other, less stressful situations? Do you talk with your partner, friends, or family? If so, who is best able to be your sounding board in this situation? Or do you try to work things out for yourself by thinking, writing, or letting thoughts and feelings drift in and out of your awareness without judging or censoring them?
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Consider whether it would be helpful to talk with other families who are also dealing with a cancer diagnosis? Some people – even those not used to seeking outside assistance – find it useful to participate in cancer support groups. Other group participants may be dealing with similar concerns and also raising children while facing cancer. Strategies for coping, practical tips, common concerns, and support are shared in groups. Hospitals, treatment centers, and other organizations often offer such support groups for both caregivers and partners, or they can refer you elsewhere.
Some people, however, are not comfortable in groups. In this case, individual counselors, therapists, other mental health clinicians, or religious leaders may be more helpful. Sometimes coping consists of temporarily setting aside your feelings while you take care of more pressing matters. This is quite different from ignoring or "locking up your reactions" as if they didn't exist (an approach that doesn't work in the long run). When you have other important obligations that you just can't ignore or postpone, try to allow yourself to concentrate on them without feeling guilty or uncaring. You might find this easier if you can arrange for others to be "on call" for your family during this stretch of time. |
Look for alternate ways to gather information and share ideas. If you simply cannot add one more appointment or responsibility to your day, consider reviewing other health-related websites. Many health or disease focused organizations, such as the American Cancer Society, sponsor sites containing medical updates, postings from readers, and even chat rooms. These websites are available 24 hours a day, so you can view them at your convenience. And you can spend as little, or as much, time as you have available.
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Share the Care
Learn how you, your friends, your neighbors, your family, your co-workers, and your faith-community friends can unite in support of someone you know who is struggling with a medical, health crisis or any issue where help is needed. |
National Alliance for Caregiving
Established in 1996, NAC is dedicated to improving quality of life for friends, family caregivers, and those in their care, by advancing research, advocacy, and innovation. |
National Family Caregivers Association
The National Family Caregivers Association is a non-profit organization that provides education, peer support, and resources to family caregivers across the country free of charge. |